So I’m doing the Zen Habits SeaChange program and I’m having a terrible time. I really want to change my habits and be better, but I don’t think I want it enough.
I already struggle so much with the bipolar and the fibromyalgia, and I still thought I could change things with the help of a good program. I did start to change things, but it seems like I’m always starting and never finishing.
MIT habit: gone.
Meditation habit: hanging by a thread.
Exercise habit: never got there.
Food habits: still eating all my feelings.
Writing habit: sporadic and bad.
However, today has been a bad day, emotionally. I’ve been agitated and jittery and tweaked for what feels like forever. It was a quick transition from the deep depression I was experiencing a few weeks ago. Now I’m waiting for the inevitable crash and my late summer depression. There doesn’t seem to be any reprieve or any hope of remission of symptoms. The burden of the disease is really pressuring me right now.