Last Minute Word Blast

I need to get my writing in, so I’m word-barfing for a minute.

It was my dad’s birthday today.  He made it to 64; one more year until benefits!

We went to Golden Corral to celebrate.  Expensive, but tasty.  I know I ate my money’s worth.  My sister, on the other hand, is a complete waste of a buffet.  She eats too slow and too little for it to count .

I had a great night playing Diablo until I went blind.  Huzzahs all around for my wizard.

Tomorrow: goals.

1. Get up at 8:30 and do routine
2. Email my ZenHabits team for a reset
3. Do more 101 prep and grading.

I Am Having a Bad Time

So I’m doing the Zen Habits SeaChange program and I’m having a terrible time.  I really want to change my habits and be better, but I don’t think I want it enough.

I already struggle so much with the bipolar and the fibromyalgia, and I still thought I could change things with the help of a good program.  I did start to change things, but it seems like I’m always starting and never finishing.

MIT habit: gone.

Meditation habit: hanging by a thread.

Exercise habit: never got there.

Food habits: still eating all my feelings.

Writing habit: sporadic and bad.

However, today has been a bad day, emotionally.  I’ve been agitated and jittery and tweaked for what feels like forever.  It was a quick transition from the deep depression I was experiencing a few weeks ago.  Now I’m waiting for the inevitable crash and my late summer depression.  There doesn’t seem to be any reprieve or any hope of remission of symptoms.  The burden of the disease is really pressuring me right now.

Must Write

I know everything I’m writing sucks right now because I don’t have a clear direction, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get over it.

To take a diary form again, today has been a little bit of a wash.  I managed to fix the calendar I broke by eliminating dance from my course.  I don’t think I’ll cry too hard.

Other than that, I have a thrilling clean-up hair appointment.

Maybe I should grade.

Let’s end this terrible post,

Folly.

Bipolar Tidbit

Lately I have had bits of songs in my head non-stop.  If I wasn’t already nuts, it would be driving me there.  From what I know from other bipolars, this is common, but having bits of “Love Train” in your head for hours is very annoying.

Stupid Day

I’m trying to remind myself today that bad beginnings don’t make bad endings.

But still, my morning sucked, especially compared to yesterday.  Yesterday I set goals, fulfilled them and had a great day.

I’m working on routines and my routine for the morning is supposed to be:

1. Get up (that's a hard one)
2. Turn off the alarm
3. Take pills
4. Use the bathroom
5. Go upstairs and eat cereal

After all of that, I can go back to bed, or—the better plan—I can meditate, then stretch, then get through email and internet sundries, then work.

That not happening has really stressed me out today, especially since I lounged around in bed for 2 hours playing with my tablet.  Stupid stupid stupid!  Grow up, Folly!

Well, habits are hard.  But I’ll get there, even if I suck a lot a long the way.

Frustrated,

Folly.

Theater and School B and Brecht

School B actually posted their upcoming theater season so I can plan my course with that in mind.  Their theater website is hideously out-of-date and a nightmare to navigate, so I got my info from the local paper, but I’m still pleased.

I’m especially pleased that they chose a Bertoldt Brecht play.  I loved Mutter Courage and their doing another of my favorites, Die Kakausiche Kreidekreis. I’m snooty and using German, but it’s The Caucasian Chalk Circle which I got to see in German while I was an undergrad.  If I remember correctly, it was awesome and fascinating.  I hope they chose a good translation.  I’ve been looking at one that W.H. Auden contributed to.  I think poets make good translators.

So here’s my nightly burble.  Hopefully I get some clearer purpose to this blog and actually start talking about bipolar and fibromyalgia and folly all around.

Regards,

Folly

So and Students

Well, I missed last night, so I have to write this morning if I want any soda.  Life without my lovely and sweet caffeine fixes is sad.

I’ve been having a good time with my class this semester.  It’s at School A, my alma mater, so I’m happy there most of the time.  I have a really good group and because the group is so small and I’ve really been concentrating on learning names, our rapport is going well.

Boringly enough, the schedule is right on schedule.  I’m anticipating that next class everything will just explode and I’ll be back to being behind, which is the natural state of things for most teachers.

So, a rather boring post about things people have probably said better in other places on the internet, but I’m really just starting out, so I guess it’s okay.

Better crap than nothing, especially if I want to make this a habit.

Just Write Something

Well, I’m doing the Zen Habits program and it’s writing month.  This is my first entry.  It only took my 12 days, but I thought I put some things down.

I am lonely.  Not desperately lonely or anything like that, but I don’t have a lot of close friends here.  We all got our MAs and they all moved away.

I’m also a snob.  I miss talking to people who are on my same level.  I have my family, of course, but it’s not the same.  I really miss my friends and the collegiality we shared with our friendship.  I want that time back.

So, this was a nonsense post about something, brought to you—with chagrin at her weakness—by Folly.